Tag: gratitude

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Thanksgiving: open-hearted, open-minded gratitude

Fresno Bee, Nov. 27, 2025

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to reflect on what we value. A useful place to start is with George Washington’s Thanksgiving Proclamation of 1789, which established the first American Thanksgiving. “It is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits and humbly to implore his protection and favor,” the proclamation begins.

This points toward a variety of ethical and theological musings. Washington’s theology probably had more in common with enlightenment deism than with contemporary Christian fundamentalism. Washington was committed to a general faith in “Providence,” which is the idea that there was a rational and benevolent spirit guiding progress in history.

He suggested that this providential God should be thanked for granting the American people a variety of benefits. In his Thanksgiving proclamation, he called upon Americans to be thankful to “that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is or that will be.”

Among the things Washington was thankful for was the “peaceable and rational” way that the American constitutional union was formed. Washington also thanked the “Lord and Ruler of nations” for “civil and religious liberty,” indicating that we should be thankful for the kinds of liberties we find in the First Amendment. He also offered thanks for science and technology — as Washington put it, “the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge.”

Washington also called upon Americans to ask for forgiveness and pardon. We should humbly offer our “prayers and supplications,” beseeching God to “pardon our national and other transgressions,” as he put it.

Whether we thank the Christian God or the universe itself, there is power and value in being grateful, as well as in asking for forgiveness and admitting our own faults and flaws. Washington’s proclamation reminds us that as we think about Thanksgiving, we discover that gratefulness is related to other virtues, such as compassion, humility and truthfulness, as well as mercy and forgiveness.

The connection between gratitude and these other virtues is not always obvious, but ethicists typically view virtues as linked in a broader philosophy of life. Courage without wisdom can become reckless; honesty without empathy can become cruel; and love without prudence can end up enabling vice.

Similar connections appear in thinking about Thanksgiving. For example, gratitude without pride can be overly deferential, servile and sycophantic. It makes sense to be thankful for good things. But an obsequious kind of gratitude can be found among flatterers and slaves, who thank their masters as a way of sucking up or currying favor.

Of course, pride can also undermine genuine gratitude. To give thanks, you need a humble heart. At least you should be modest enough to acknowledge that others have contributed to your successes and well-being. Egoistic pride is an impediment to gratitude. If you believe you are so great that you deserve everything good, it is difficult to be grateful. In fact, pride is more likely to breed resentment than gratitude.

Gratitude also depends upon an open-mind that is able to recognize the good and see the beautiful. It is fairly easy to be grateful when good things come your way. It is more difficult to cultivate an attitude of gratitude when life is dark or disappointing. But even in the darkness it is important to try to see the light.

It has long been noted that gratitude is closely linked to happiness — and to the ability to see through the darkness and into the light. The great medieval theologian Thomas Aquinas linked gratitude to a cheerful temperament that is more inclined to see good than evil. Aquinas said, in reflecting on the power of gratitude, “It is the mark of a happy disposition to see good rather than evil.”

Whether we think that good things come from God, Providence or from the world itself, it is wise to acknowledge all the goodness we enjoy. In giving thanks, we should cultivate a humble, forgiving, cheerful and open mind.

At Thanksgiving, we ought to think about all that we value, why we value it, and where it comes from.

Read more at: https://www.fresnobee.com/opinion/readers-opinion/article313145486.html#storylink=cpy

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Gratitude, Grace, and the Biden-Trump Handshake

Fresno Bee, Nov. 24, 2024

This post-election Thanksgiving, we all have the power to soften our hardened hearts.

One of the strangest scenes of this odd political year occurred when Donald Trump and Joe Biden exchanged pleasantries in the White House in front of a roaring fire on Nov. 13. Trump said “Thank you” four times within that minute-long meeting, while Biden said “Welcome,” “Welcome back” and “You’re welcome.” The men smiled and shook hands.

For a moment, you might imagine it was possible to forget the acrimony of the past. But one minute of staged courtesy is unlikely to heal a broken republic. As soon as the moment ended, the spark of grace was extinguished. The pundits were quick to remind us that Trump did not invite Biden to the White House for a similar handshake in 2020, and that Trump did not attend Biden’s inauguration in 2021. Partisan animosity continued apace. And this strange ritual was revealed to be a show for the cameras, lacking in sincerity and depth.

As we gather for Thanksgiving, the Biden-Trump handshake provides food for thought. During the holidays, we hope that gratitude, forgiveness, hospitality and love can work wonders. We don’t have to hate each other. We are not bound to return tit-for-tat. Human beings are free and creative. We can choose to forgive, to forget and to turn a new leaf.

There is an important difference between ritualized civility and a deeper spirit of sincere gratitude and generosity. One could, after all, give thanks mechanically or as a matter of courtesy without actually feeling grateful. The deeper spirit of gracious generosity is not a ritualized performance. Rather, it is a way of being.

But the rituals of civil society are important. Symbolic gestures like handshakes are powerful, and virtues are developed through practice.

A student of Confucius once asked the master how to learn to be good. Confucius replied, “Overcome yourself and return to ritual.” We learn to be good by setting aside our egos and playing along with the customs of civilized life, even when we don’t want to.

We teach young athletes to shake hands at the end of a game, whether they win or lose. And we encourage our children to say “please” and “thank-you” at appropriate moments. We model civility by saying and doing these things, even when we don’t feel like it. During the holidays, these rituals reach a climax. At Thanksgiving, we ought to give a prayer of thanks, even if we don’t feel particularly grateful.

While rituals are useful, they are not enough. A deeper engagement is required for genuine spiritual development. For swords to become plowshares, profound spiritual transformation is needed. This transformative growth may depend upon what Christians call “grace” — a mysterious and renewing gift of God. It also depends upon the hard work of wisdom.

None of this occurs in a moment. Saying “I’m sorry” does not instantly make everything better. A handshake cannot magically undo animosity, nor does a kind word eradicate decades of hostility. Love takes years to develop even in the best of circumstances. Trauma, anger and guilt are not easily overcome. And resentment is a powerful poison.

It may be too much to hope that enemies can become friends, but we can become less hateful and more civil if we choose to do so.

We do have some choice in the matter: It’s not possible to force someone to feel grateful, nor can we be compelled to love or to forgive. But we can choose to extend a hand or to say “thanks” and “you’re welcome.” We can also choose to keep our egos in check while we play along with the rituals.

Things won’t get better unless we choose to make them so. As the larger world careens about us, it is important to remember that we have the power to soften our hardened hearts. We can discipline our egos and return to ritual. We can extend a welcome hand to those we have written off as enemies. We can forgive those who have wronged us. We can offer thanks, even to those we think do not deserve it. And if this proves to be too difficult, we should at least encourage our children to be more gracious than we are.

Read more at: https://www.fresnobee.com/opinion/readers-opinion/article295924914.html#storylink=cpy

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The Joy of Secular Christmas

What do secular people do at Christmas?

A Christian friend recently asked me how nonreligious people like me celebrate Christmas. I said, “Well, we put up a tree, decorate the house, eat cookies and drink mulled wine. We give presents and have fun with friends and family. We sing Christmas songs and watch Christmas movies.”

Nonreligious people pretty much do what everyone else does. We don’t go to church. But Christmas is much more than going to church.

This may come as a surprise to those who insist that we keep the “Christ” in “Christmas.” But Christmas can be enjoyed without the dogmas of Christianity. The decorating, gift-giving, eating and drinking have very little to do with Bethlehem and the birth of Christ.

More Americans embrace Christmas than are Christian. Christianity is the religion of about 63% of Americans. But one recent survey indicates that more than 70% of Americans plan to put up a Christmas tree in 2023. Another survey (from an obviously biased source—the American Christmas Tree Association) puts the number above 90%.

I know lots of nonreligious people who decorate their homes and put up a tree. Indeed, the tree is not originally a Christian thing. It comes from the pagan winter rituals of northern European. Christmas trees were not usual in the United States until about a hundred years ago.

Christmas is a weird mash-up of German, English, and American traditions. This includes much of the “magic” of Christmas as conjured up by Hollywood films. Hollywood teaches us that Christmas is a time of spiritual transformation, when Grinch and Scrooge learn their lessons, when George Bailey discovers that this is a wonderful life, and when children of all ages keep the magic alive by believing in Santa Claus.

This stuff is fun. It involves the spirit of play, magic, and fantasy, and the familiar nostalgia of repetition and ritual.

One scholar, Christopher Deacy, has argued that secular Christmas is in fact “religious”—as a set of rituals and communal practices that have a broadly “sacred” significance (even if not specifically Christian). Christmas makes a festival of consumerism. But it is also about transformation, love, gratitude, generosity, wonder, and hope.

Those Christmas values are not uniquely Christian. Indeed, the American and Hollywood versions of Christmas are decidedly secular and inclusive. You don’t need to be Christian to enjoy the fun.

People do not typically say at Christmas, “You must accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.” That’s ultimately what it means to keep Christ in Christmas. The religious story is about the birth of a savior—the “Christ,” which means the anointed or chosen one.

The Christian tradition teaches that God became man through the mystery of the virgin birth. Christ is born in Bethlehem to save us from sin. This makes it possible to be reunited with God, and to merit eternal life.

All of that theological stuff is mysterious and miraculous. How and why did God become man at that place and time? It is a mystery. Why do we need salvation from sin? The fundamental assumption of Christian theology is that without the savior, we are doomed. And how does the birth, life, and death of Christ accomplish this? Well, that’s a mystery that requires faith.

The Christian joy celebrated in hymns like “Joy to the World,” rests upon a deep sense of sin and fear of death. Christian joy includes a sense of relief and gratitude directed toward a mysterious God, who condemns sin. But the incarnation of Christ somehow transforms God from a harsh judge to a loving father.

Thus, Christian joy is tinged with fear and gloom. This may explain why the Puritan colonists of early America were anti-Christmas. They viewed Christmas as a frivolous celebration tainted by “pagan mockery” and “mad mirth.” As I explained in previous column on Christmas, “For Puritans, salvation is serious business. Merriment in this world distracts us from the need to be saved from sin.”

Secular joy is different from Christian joy. Nonreligious folks who make merry at Christmas are not worried about sin or the metaphysics of salvation. We know that death is always present, as we remember those we’ve lost and those at risk of dying.

But at Christmas, we do not dwell on death. Instead, we affirm life. Here we are, together again. We celebrate despite our mortality. We are fortunate to laugh and sing and play with our loved ones. We know that someday the party will end. But while the candles are still burning and the songs are being sung, our hearts are warmed by love, gratitude, and the joy of secular Christmas.

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Gratitude as A Mindful Virtue

Fresno Bee, November 26, 2023

Tis the season of gratitude. Gratitude is an important virtue that helps us live well. Like other virtues, gratitude can be found in the middle between vices. Too little gratitude is grumpy and rude. Ungrateful Scrooges live narrow and cramped lives. The ingrate is egoistic and resentful, too focused on what he doesn’t have to give thanks for what he has received.

But too much gratitude is servile and smarmy. Sycophants and suck-ups are effusive in their gratefulness. Sometimes this is manipulative, as the suck-up says thanks to ingratiate themselves to others. The overly grateful seem to lack self-respect and a sense of proportion.

Gratitude demands mindfulness and care. And it involves a kind of reciprocity. When a slave thanks his master for scraps, gratitude is being abused. So, too, when the boss fails to thank his employees for their hard work.

There are other ways that gratitude can misfire. One example is the mass-produced thank-you note. “Dear sir/madam,” the pre-printed note says. “Thanks for the gift.” An anonymous thank-you is better than nothing. But transactional acknowledgement is not authentic gratitude. An anonymous note is a mechanical response devoid of personality. It does not recognize the gift you gave nor the time and thought you put into it.

Genuine gratitude recognizes the person behind the gift. It is more than a transactional exchange. Of course, some gifts are merely transactional — say, an automated donation to a charitable organization. But soulful gifts deserve a personal thanks that celebrates the thought and care of the giver.

On the other hand, some folks go overboard with their thank-you’s. Gratitude goes wrong when it is out of proportion with the gift. It would be odd, for example, for a friend to bring you an expensive souvenir as a thank-you gift for a quick ride to the airport.

You might suspect, in a case like this, that the excessive thanker is buttering you up and preparing to ask for another favor. Virtuous gratitude ought to be free of ulterior motives. You shouldn’t give thanks to show off or to butter up. Genuine gratitude is not selfish or manipulative.

Gratitude is an important part of the project of living well. It is correlated with positive neurological states. Some studies even suggest a grateful spirit can help with longevity and psychological well-being. A grateful way of living is open and receptive, humble and joyful— and healthy!

A generally thankful mindset is not merely a response to a gift. This is not gratitude for something or toward someone. Spiritual gratitude is broader than that.

Religious people thank God as the source of goodness with prayers before meals and at day’s end. This can be linked to a general “count your blessings” attitude. You can overcome a gloomy mood by counting your blessings, and by recognizing that things could be worse.

But gratitude is not the only thing that matters. It misses the point to tell a slave to overcome resentment and count his blessings. Critics of gratitude say it is too passive and acquiescent. Other virtues are also important: justice, courage, and self-respect.

But the saints of gratitude approach life with an accepting and grateful spirit. The grateful saint does not view gratitude as a boring duty, or as a mere transaction. Nor does she use it as an opportunity to show off or suck up. Rather, the paragons of thankfulness experience a kind of unconditional gratefulness that is happy to receive whatever is given.

The affirmative gladness of deeply grateful people overcomes resentment. They view each moment as a gift. They treat every day as Thanksgiving. They seem to believe that we ought to be grateful because things are fundamentally good.

But is it always good to be grateful? Should we give thanks for everything — even for wars and toothaches? Or is gratitude properly reserved for gifts that are genuinely good?

We have wandered into deep questions here about the wisdom of gratitude and the state of the world. These questions can provide food for thought to accompany the pumpkin pie. And thankfully, every year at this time we have the chance to ask ourselves what we are grateful for, and why.

Read more at: https://www.fresnobee.com/opinion/readers-opinion/article282215153.html#storylink=cpy

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The gift of being born: Reflecting on natality and gratitude on Mother’s Day

Fresno Bee, May 14, 2023

Mother’s Day is for gratitude. Our mothers nurtured and supported us. We thank them for the fact of our own births. We should also thank our mothers for modeling the art of kindness, and the power of love.

Life is precious, rare and interconnected. It’s not accidental that we speak of Mother Earth and Mother Nature. There is no other planet that supports life. And life on this planet unfolds through a long chain of mothers, extending back into prehistory.

That process of generation and birth shows us the depth of our interconnected existence. We are not born alone. And life is not only a struggle for survival. It is also a warm embrace that pays itself forward. The nurturing arms that received us into this world show us the sustaining power of lovingkindness.

The Dalai Lama once said, “When we’re born, our mothers show us compassion. This is a natural response that has nothing to do with spiritual practice. Without that kindness we wouldn’t survive. So, our lives start with an experience of kindness and compassion.”

Philosophers have directed our attention to the importance of birth and being born. This is the idea of our “natality,” which is the opposite of mortality. We are mortal beings who die. But we are also interdependent beings who were born, and who give birth. Every human being emerges from the body of another, who literally carried us within her. Remembering this strange mammalian fact can make us humble, grateful and kind.

The concept of natality was brought to light by Hannah Arendt. Arendt was a German Jew who escaped from Nazi-occupied Europe. She arrived as a refugee in New York. She wrote extensively about totalitarianism and evil. The world is not all sweetness and light. And some people are born with cruel mothers, or their mothers are cruelly taken from them.

And yet, hope appears in the concept of natality, and the fact of our interdependence. Arendt celebrated the possibility of new birth and new beginnings. “The miracle that saves the world,” Arendt explained in 1958, “is ultimately the fact of natality.” When cruelty, stupidity and violence threaten to tear things apart, we can hope that new humans will be born and better ideas will arise. The terror of death is real. But so too is the promise of birth.

Natality involves hospitality. In some extreme cases, hospitality rescues refugees from cruelty and death, as in the case of those fleeing a genocide. But even in ordinary circumstances, we make the world better by welcoming strangers. Indeed, our mothers welcomed us into their bodies. They received us into the world, suckled us, nurtured us, and devoted themselves to us. That welcoming and receptive aspect of maternity is a central feature of our humanity.

This is not exclusively female. Men can welcome and receive. And fathers can be loving and kind. But there is humbling wisdom to be learned in the mysterious unfolding of maternity and birth.

Even the strongest king came into this world naked and defenseless. The first moment of every human life is an act of welcome. To be human is to be received, as a gift. We exist because our mothers loved us first.

Christianity makes natality a central part of the cosmic story. Each person is created in God’s image. And even the savior was born of a woman. The story also tells us that the savior and his mother fled persecution after his birth. The gospel of love grows out of the story of a refugee and his mother.

One need not be a Christian to understand this. It is discovered deep in the milk of human kindness. But we forget our interdependence. Too often, we refuse to welcome strangers. We build up our defenses, and exclude those who need our kindness. Maybe we are trying to fend off death. Perhaps we hope that in defending our turf, we might live forever. But death comes to us all. Mortality is a fact.

Yet natality is also a fact. Tomorrow, a new generation will be born. Our task is to welcome those newcomers, as our mothers welcomed us; to love our neighbors, as our mothers loved us.

Read more at: https://www.fresnobee.com/opinion/readers-opinion/article275327426.html#storylink=cpy